In my last post I wrote about my interpretation of this new thing called RIE and the ideas I was beginning to try out at home.

It began with asking Franky if I could pick him up and pausing, before scooping him off the ground. My husband quickly adopted this idea too, and within a few days this silly habit became the norm. Next would be feeding my son, the RIE way.

I was struggling with introducing Franky to food. At his 4 month doctor’s appointment, my husband and I were told that we should start giving him solids. Franky was not impressed, and I found myself often forcing the spoon of mush into his mouth so he would eat something. At the 6 month appointment, his pediatrician told us he dropped from 75 percentile in weight, to about 50. Great. Another thing to worry about.

Then I read Janet Lansbury’s articles Eating Isn’t Ours to Control and Baby Table Manners, and became convinced this would be the next RIE challenge I wanted to face. At the time, I was only beginning to read about RIE and did not yet understand how most of the ideas in this parenting philosophy revolve around letting go, doing less so the kid does more, and setting appropriate boundaries. So I read these two aforementioned articles. I read about not coaxing and letting go of my need to control feeding. It was so very strange. But so was the idea of asking a baby to pick him/her up, and that seemed to be working.

You can begin feeding a child, the RIE way, once your baby can sit on his own. First, you need a small table, one that will be just his for eating. The reasoning for this is:

1. Babies are capable and can learn to have table manners early
2. Strapping babies to a high chair subconsciously promotes an unhealthy dynamic between parent and child
   • the child does not have the freedom to leave
   • parent’s active job is to feed
   • baby’s passive job is to sit and be fed
3. A small table gives the baby the ability to safely leave when they are no longer hungry

I ordered a bed tray like the one below. I have had it for about a month now and am very happy. It is easy to clean and the perfect height for my son when he sits on the floor.

It is also a good idea to have a space for eating to take place. This could be a corner of the dining room, or maybe a space in the kitchen. Preferably this is away from the play space or the toys. That way toys are not there to taunt your child, causing them to leave the table before they are truly done eating. I was not aware of this when first trying this method out, so you may see in the pictures that there are toys nearby. I have recently moved Frank’s table to a corner by our dining table.

 

This is how it looks when I now feed my son:

I clearly set my expectations:

“Franky, you need to sit while you eat. If you crawl away, you are letting me know you are all done and I will remove the table.”

Again, some may argue that babies do not understand the words we say. I disagree. I believe they are incredibly good listeners and hear what we are saying, even though they cannot always respond. Regardless, vocalizing these rules is a good idea as soon as you start feeding this way, because it sets the groundwork for the future.

I give all of my attention

One of the appeals of the highchair is it provides a place where your baby is securely strapped and can be left while you finish up making dinner, or whatever else you need to do. I understand! I used the highchair to bucket my son constantly. But then I learned that there are a few care-taking activities during the day that are the real moments of bonding with your baby, as the rest of the day gets filled with baby-led play. So I’m sorry, this is not the time to set the baby at his table to finish the dishes or check your texts.

I make sure that I am 100% focused on my son, letting him know that I value this time together. This is also for safety, as my son is still learning what it means to chew and swallow.

I let go 

I no longer have preconceived amounts of food I wish for him to eat. Instead I have found a way to be ok with however much, or little, he ate. Again, my job is not to stuff him with food, just as his job is not to sit and be fed. This is an activity in which my son is an active participant.

I am still in charge of how my son eats (spoon or fingers), where he eats (setting the table up in the corner), and what he eats (by providing options).

My son gets to control how much he eats and when he eats.

There is also something to be said about creating healthy outlook on eating in general. I can only wonder how forcing food into my son’s mouth will become a habit I will continue when he becomes a toddler. And this eventually can make him more susceptible to harmful eating habits when he is older, such as over eating or under eating.

Furthermore, since I told him that he may leave when he is done, then I must accept that he is truly done. The first few times I tried this style of feeding, I found myself questioning his motives for leaving and deciding for him that he was not done by physically bringing him back and sitting him at the table. I have recently learned to fight this urge more, so as to show him I truly trust his ability to tell me when he is no longer hungry. I do still remind him, as he gets ready to crawl away, that if he leaves I will remove the table. (this may still count as coaxing and perhaps I need to work harder on this) Occasionally he seems to change his mind and stay seated to eat some more.

When I read about this approach to feeding and how much easier it would be, I was willing to try. If anything, it would be a change in pace from the system that was clearly not working. For the month or so that I’ve adopted this, I can honestly say I enjoy every meal together. I also feel like I am setting my son up to have incredible table manners!