One of the things I am struggling with is being ok with whatever my son wants, or does not want, to do. Letting it be.
For example, just today we went to the park as we usually do every morning. My son walked around a bit, but then wanted to be picked up. I held him for a while, and then told him I was going to put him down because it was hard for me to hold him for so long. He kept wanting to be held, so I sat down and told him I will sit with him instead. So he snuggled up to me and we sat there, in the middle of the playground. He sucked his thumb and sat, looking around. I asked if he wanted to go home but he said no.
We must have sat this way for 25 minutes until he got up and began exploring again.
Part of me, wanted to push him to play. I wanted to say, we are here at the park go climb, slide, play in the sand, go explore. And when he obviously didn’t want to do anything but sit, that same part of me wanted to pick him up and go home.
But then I asked myself, why not just sit here for a while. Why not wait until he was ready to play or explore? Why is it hard sometimes to let it be?
I guess it’s because when we go somewhere new, we want our child to experience everything and get the most out of the situation. It’s very hard to accept that whatever our child is doing, is exactly what they want to do. Sometimes that means going to the park and sitting the whole time.
After all, we are building a relationship based on trust. I want him to know that I trust him, and I trust his readiness.
It’s the same thing at RIE class each week. Every child has their own timeline for when they are ready to leave their parent’s laps and join in with the class. How great is it to have a space where they get to feel that trust?
It’s not easy being so receptive to our children’s cues.
We went to a birthday party the other week. The party was at a venue that had one room full of toys, and the next room was set up for ‘messy art’. When we got to the party, my son instantly wanted to jump down and play with all the toys, understandably.
Slowly I meandered toward the other room because I was interested to see what a ‘messy party’ looked like. The room was all covered and had several easels set up for kids. I was so excited because Franky never experienced painting before. I couldn’t wait for him to feel what it was like to dip his brush in different paint, to draw with his fingers, to use sponges and make different prints.
But part of letting my son feel what he is feeling is really integral to my parenting philosophy. Because the same goes with feeling hurt or angry. The best tool we can teach is the tool of feeling those big feelings, knowing that they too shall pass. The only way to teach this is to let these feelings sit, to let them be.
That’s why with RIE parenting, we let our kids cry, or scream, or get upset. Because whatever they are feeling, regardless of how trivial it may seem to us at the moment, is important to them. So we let it be. We sit and we feel.
I guess sitting with my son today on the ground for so long, with other parents staring at me wondering what we were doing int he middle of the playground, I remembered these ideas and how i was letting my son just … be.