My last RIE class reaffirmed why I love this parenting philosophy so much.
When I walked in there was just one boy there already with his mom. I sat down with Franky on my lap and waited until he was ready to leave me. I waited until I could feel him leaning out of my lap. But he didn’t. A few minutes went by, five, then ten minutes, and my son sat on me, completely content.
When he was finally ready to leave, he didn’t go to the toys like every other class, he kept going to the other boy sitting on his mom.
My son was craving a social interaction, a connection with someone, not something.
The other boy, however, was simply craving time on his mom.
I learned that this boy goes to day care a few days a week, because the mom works part time. This is one of the few times during the week he probably gets his moms’ 100% undivided attention. So he was soaking it up.
And the best part about RIE class is that this boy could stay on his mom for as long as he wanted. He could hug her for the entire 1.5 hours of class. Because RIE class gives the space for kids to just be.
Just like my son could sit on me for longer than he normally does.
It’s important to allow the space for babies to warm up in their own way and to decide for themselves to be independent of us as their caregiver. There are so many times where we are the ones that put our kids down and leave them. How often do we leave them to use the restroom or prepare dinner? And how often do we give them the opportunity to leave us?
Later, a third boy came with his mom.
And that was it for today’s class, just three boys.
When the third came he began playing with the toys and my son went over to play with him.
Everything was so relaxed and so mellow. It was so refreshing.
I realized that this is the only time in the week that I can have a play date where the moms are not distracted. There is no noise and chaos from kids screaming and running around, while moms sit around and chat about this and that.
When I go to those types of play dates, I feel like us moms are there for each other, not our kids. Which is valid. Being a stay-at-home mom is tough because often you spend most of your day without speaking to another adult. No conversation can mess with you. And so having a play date with the true intention of having other adults to talk to is completely understandable.
But I don’t like it. I don’t like it because my son’s needs get ignored. I don’t like entering those play dates and putting my son down so I can catch up with my mommy friends. I don’t like watching other kids clinging on their moms, craving a connection, but being pushed to “go play with the other kids so mommy can talk”. I never feel relaxed at these events.
I like RIE class because there is a predictability each week. The predictability is in the time and space we are providing for our babies, and for ourselves.
We always sit against the wall and observe. The room is always set up with the same wooden, silicone, and plastics toys. Our kids are always the ones that get to choose when to leave us to play. And they are always given the freedom to explore, or not.
I love being able to let go of preconceived ideas of what our kids should do or how they should play.
We get to let go because we know it’s a safe space. There are two teachers and several moms observing and providing minimal intervention if necessary.
We get to slow down.
Consequently, our kids get to slow down too.
Our kids get to take in every adult’s face. They get to climb, and fall. They get to play with open ended objects. They get to explore wood and metal. They get to go outside.
They also get to sit on us whenever they want, for as long as they want.
