Since becoming a new mom and an even newer stay at home mom, I’m constantly asked “what do you do all week?”
It’s a well meaning question, probably similar to asking “How are you?” or “How’s life going?”. But it doesn’t feel like that.
Honestly, it feels like an attack on me as a stay at home mom. It feels more like, “You are a stay at home mom so you better be doing stuff all week long”, “you can’t possibly be a stay at home mom and also just be staying at home every day”, or “You are busy enough to justify quitting your job, right?”.
Ok, maybe the people asking me this don’t really think all that. But I just really hate this question, “What do you do all week?”
Other than my insecurities as a stay at home mom, I believe the actual problem behind it is that new parents think they need to fill their week with activities to entertain their baby. And many do.
But I like being home most of the week. At home my son is comfortable and gets to have hours of baby-led play. At home my son is not put in and out of his carseat 100 times. At home my son eats on the floor. At home my son gets to nap in his crib.
I like staying home.
And of course, all of this is my prerogative as a mom.
But when people ask me “What do you do all week?” I find it very hard to answer honestly. I feel their pressure. I feel their judgment. I feel the stigma of the ‘stay at home mom’ and the societal pressure to constantly entertain our little ones. I just feel awkward and weird telling people that I don’t do much all week. So … I lie. I tell them that I do go to the library and play groups. I say I go to events with other moms like museums or gardens. Sometimes I just make stuff up because I don’t want people to judge me for actually just letting my son play most of the day while I watch.
I’m scared of others thinking that I am a lazy parent.
Am I?
Am I am truly lazy for wanting to be at home so that my son can just play? Babies learn about their world through play.
Am I lazy for not taking him to a class where the teacher leads all the babies to clap their hands and sing songs and move around? I want my son to have free exploration in his own way, which differs day to day. And that’s ok because babies do things in the moment, moment to moment.
So why do I need to have a week filled with activities?
As a high school teacher I encountered a lot of teenagers with overwhelming extra-curricular schedules. As teens, having well rounded lives is not a bad thing. But this over scheduling has now trickled down to kids, toddlers, and even babies.
Babies don’t need agendas. They just need a safe space to play and explore.
So instead of asking me what do I do all week, how about you ask me what my son does all week.
Because if you ask me what I do all week the answer will be the same, I don’t do much.
But if you ask me what my son does all week… he explores, he discovers, he feels, and he tastes.
He observes people outside and listens to different sounds coming through the window.
He bangs objects on other objects or slides them across the floor.
He is learning physics from rolling his ball across the room or throwing objects over the edge of the stairs.
He is learning positioning when he arranges his blocks in a certain way.
He is learning transporting when he picks up his toys and puts them in different sized containers or into his little truck.
He is learning transforming when he squishes the pieces of banana with his fingers.