Disclaimer: I wrote this in April 2020 but before I could finish editing and publishing, I got swept up with life and the state of the world. I never got around to finishing this post. Although we are fast forward 7 months, I feel like some of this could be valuable to someone out there. So here it goes…

The need for control. This is a basic human trait.

With everything going on, we are seeing this need manifest in all sorts of ways. The major way we saw people attempting to regain any sort of control in a situation filled with unknowns, is with toilet paper. Yes, the panic buying of toilet paper is, in its simplest and most raw form, just a need for control.

People are scared and don’t have enough information. We don’t know enough about this virus. We don’t know if we or someone we know will get sick. We don’t know what life is supposed to look like during this time. We don’t know what life will look like when this is all over.

The need to regain control in any aspect is enough to send people in droves to buy whatever they can, as much as they can, so that they feel like they are able to remain in charge of their life in some way. It is comical and seems insane, but it all really does make sense in terms of human behavior.

And as this is a parenting blog, the same can be said about children.

When our children feel out of control, it tends to lead to all sorts of behavioral problems. This is a normal part of parenting a “terrible” two, or a “threenager”, or really any child.

Children develop so quickly. They are learning things every second of every day from the moment they are born. They are masters at processing the world around them. But they have very little control over their daily lives. They are told when to put clothes on and what to eat. They are told where to go and what time to go to bed. They are taken to school and after school activities where adults are telling them what to do every second of the day. Kids often aren’t even able to play on their own without parents guiding them and telling them what to play with and how. This creates a strange sensation phenomenon. They are growing and maturing, but they aren’t able to control many aspects of their life. Consequently, they create situations in order to feel in control. They seek it out. And this often looks like a child being stubborn, or misbehaving. This can look like answering every question with a ‘NO!’, or throwing objects. It can be in the way they constantly are yelling demands at us, or that feeling that as a parent we aren’t doing anything right. It is often just their attempt at having some sense of control, over their body, their relationships, their life.

When our children do feel out of control, this is when we might see a meltdown or an emotional release.

So what does this have to do with what’s happening right now. Well apart from us adults losing control over many aspects of our life like the ability to go out or go to work or do much of anything, our children are feeling the same way too. But they are also just trying to process everything that is going on. And I am writing this post as a warning to take some ‘misbehaviors’ as warning signs that your child is just looking to regain some control.

For me, it is showing up as not wanting to go outside.

Which is crazy, because we are stuck inside all day everyday with no where to go. We are in quarantine. And everytime I tell my son we are going to go on a walk or a small hike, he freaks out. And this is a kid that used to thrive outdoors. I have been taking him outside every single day for his entire 3 years and 10 months of existence. And now without the opportunity to go to school or library or park or a friends’ house, he doesnt even want to go outside.

WHAT IS HAPPENING???

oh.. right… he feels out of control. The only thing he can control right now is his body being at home. Home where it is safe, with his toys which he knows. Home where the routines are the same, where he can count on the predictability of his day. He wants to be home.

So if your kids are acting strangely, uncharacteristically, then it could very well just be their way of seeking control in a very strange time.